how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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