You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize