dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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