Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't think brook has ever known best
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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