What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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