i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
