I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
