i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
