I wanna bring you to show and tell
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
