They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
