i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize