Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
