My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
