Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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