Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
