I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
