i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i out mim tonsoeep
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