I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
