Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
