i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
