Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
