I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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