He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
