The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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