why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
