He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
