My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
