Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
