it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I FOUND THE LEGS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
