i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
