She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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