What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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