just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
