oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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