everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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