people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
