Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
