call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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