ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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