I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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