i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
