He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Vodka?
Forever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
