Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize