Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
