jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
