So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
