one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
