i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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