im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
