how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize