just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
