how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
