im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
