he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
