dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
