five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
