I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
