even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
