I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
