awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
