If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
