So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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