Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
