you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
