Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
