my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
