She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
