it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
