My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
